Lucie Loves… Health & Wellbeing // Why it’s important to talk about our nether regions — part 3: It’s not me, it’s my hormones. Periods: body image, mental health & relationships [hat gifted]
““I made a decision not to look backwards. Not to compare my body now with how it looked at 30. Not to cry over lost muscle definition. I decided to look forwards. To what 69 year old me would say to me as I am now now. You have so much time and so much beauty. Youth. Use it. Enjoy it.” ”
This pearl of wisdom is taken from a conversation I had with a very lovely woman, who works as a Criminal barrister. I met her at a very weird transitional stage in my life, which happened to be at a very fun sleepover in early 2016.
It was just months after I split from my husband and began my journey into divorcehood and set sail into single life. As a result of his infidelity, my confidence took a big knock and it’s taken a long time to heal. In fact, I’m still healing now. 4-years and 7-months since we separated.
Her words have stayed with me ever since.
If you’re like me — a woman affected by surging changes in her monthly hormones —you’ll find it affects your mood and the way you view your self, your body image and your looks.
For me, this happens at least once or twice a month for a few days. I go through these weird, irrational thought patterns of feeling absolutely vile, disgusting and ugly when I look in the mirror.
It’s like a dark cloud settles over me that I can’t shift — or really explain beyond “Sorry. It’s my hormones...” and it affects my mood drastically. I know I’m not vile, but on those days nothing can shake me out of that mood. That mindset. That body image dysmorphia.
To try and track my ups and downs, and make sure that I’m kind to myself on the days I’m feeling lower and more sensitive than normal, I’ve taken to charting my moods and PMS symptoms with a Period Tracker app. It really helps. From tracking my cycle and moods on certain days, I know now that around ovulation, days 11-16 of my cycle, and in the run up to my period, I can feel easily offended, rejected, irritated, insecure, tight-chested with anxiety, jealous, lethargic and be very quiet and pensive. Around 6-days before my period, I start feeling disgusting, ugly, undesirable. I hate my reflection, I try and get dressed and do my makeup and end up just feeling terrible in anything that I put on.
I’ve recently read that it isn’t just PMS that some woman deal with. The cramps, the bleeding, the mood swings. There’s also something called Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), which occurs in the week of two before your period starts. Oh joy! It’s only when your period actually starts, and you’re a few days into it, that your hormones become more balanced and you start feeling normal / upbeat again.
Q. What are the symptoms of PMDD and do I have it?
If you have PMDD, you might find that you experience some of symptoms listed below. But everyone can experience it differently. iTherefore, you might also have symptoms or experiences that fall outside of this list, or other feelings, which are still very valid.
Emotional experiences
mood swings
feeling upset or tearful
feeling angry or irritable
feelings of anxiety
feeling hopeless
feelings of tension or being on edge
difficulty concentrating
feeling overwhelmed
lack of energy
less interest in activities you normally enjoy
suicidal feelings
Physical and behavioural experiences
breast tenderness or swelling
pain in your muscles and joints
headaches
feeling bloated
changes in your appetite such as overeating or having specific food cravings
sleep problems
finding it hard to avoid or resolve conflicts with people around you
becoming very upset if you feel that others are rejecting you
Source: Mind
You will typically only experience these symptoms for a week or two before your period starts. The symptoms follow your menstrual cycle, so you might find they start to get better when you get your period and will usually have disappeared by the time your period is finished.” ~ Source: Mind
Whilst I haven’t been diagnosed with PMDD by a medical professional, everything that I’ve read about it strikes a chord with me and the symptoms that I experience. Mind charity have shared some information on PMDD, which you might find useful, if you can relate to this.
Take a look at this PMDD Self-screen Quiz
I do not take birth control or any other hormone-based contraceptives. I’ve tried Microgynon 30 — and spent days in bed crying. I’ve tried Cerazette and suffered anxiety attacks and crazy mood swings. I’ve tried the Ortho Evra patch… and had it come off in the shower… I’ve tried the coil and had it dislodged during sex… resulting in an emergency trip to the doctors for removal.
Over the years, I’ve found that many - if not all - of these make my menstruated migraines and anxiety far worse, and only seem to have a negative affect on my mood. Instead, my go-to remedy is exercise, practicing positive self-talk, and communicating honestly how I’m feeling with my partner — so that he’s aware that I’m not feeling myself. These seem to be the best way for me to deal with it.
It’s safe to say, I need to keep reminding myself of conversations like this one — the one with the barrister. So that we cherish what we have; our strong, capable, healthy beautiful bodies, whilst we still can.
I make a lot of notes. I like to document the funny, sad or purely profound things that happen to me. Conversations that make me really think about life and love. Moments when I’m really feeling something. The moment before something happens or just after it’s changed you forever. Does anyone else do this?
Q. Do any of you suffer from severe PMS? Or have you had a diagnosis of PMDD? If so, what did the doctor advise? And how do you help yourself when you’re not feeling your best?
[Bordeaux Fedora Hat ~ kindly gifted by Bon Clic Bon Genre]
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Read part one and part two of “Why it’s important to talk about our nether reiogions…”
** Update: My Nan and Grandad just called call. They had read this blog post. Turns out my Nan used to suffer from extreme PMS too. My Grandad said that everything I described, is what my Nan would experience. For 2-weeks of her cycle each month she would be ok, and then the other two she would feel horrendous, like she’d had a personality transplant.
My Nan then went on to say that at the height of her suffering, she took herself off to the canal and was contemplating jumping in, before a guard stopped her. I knew she had suffered with PMS, but I didn’t realise just how badly she had been affected.
Her life changed when she discovered Wild Yam and Red Clover supplements. Which are said to help balance out your hormones naturally, to stop any erratic mood changes. She made me promise to order myself some, before I hung up the phone. I have just this moment bought some off Amazon. Here’s hoping they help! **
*** A further update. My mum just informed me that she suffered from really painful periods too. So much so that she had a hysterectomy at the age of 32 (I’m now 34…) When they removed her womb, they found out she had endometriosis. I’ve never been checked for this… but maybe I should be?***